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Update: New Artificial Emotional Intelligence Now Trending

By Elizabeth Willis
It’s a fact, information these days gets moved quicker than McDonald’s ice cream can melt in the hot Texas sun. People from all over the country get the latest news stories and popular trend updates every 5 seconds. The human race is so captivated by their phones and other electronic devices that everything else has become trivial. It seems that making eye contact is a thing of the past and handshakes are for the birds. But fret not! New studies show that real human connection is actually a waste of time and was never needed in the first place.

Mr. Leevme A. Lone tweets, “When I’m on a dinner date with my wife and I have something to say, I shoot her a quick text message across the table. I’ll add a few emojis in there sometimes to really set the mood.”
Candis B. Moore-Wright sent in a quick Facebook message stating, “Bedtime stories are a treasure in our home. What a memory making experience! I simply connect my phone to a Bluetooth speaker, press play on the kids’ favorite audiobook, and shut the door. I don’t even have to waste time on goodnight kisses. The audiobook app automatically sends audible bedtime kisses to my kids at the end of each story.”

Just within the past week, standardized achievement tests have become extinct. It’s been known for some time that this form of testing is completely irrelevant, but no one wanted to address the dinosaur in the room. So, out with the old and in with the new and improved Facts and Useless Information IQ Test. Also known as the FUII Test. Students are passing with incredibly high scores.

Some experts feel that the change in society is having negative effects on families, relationships, and overall quality of life. Dr. Just U. Wate claims, “We need a miracle to bring back fellowship between friends and connection within families. It will take someone from the inside boldly speaking truth to the rest of us. If that person doesn’t show up, we will be forever imprisoned on the outside.”
With so many opposing viewpoints plaguing society, we can all agree on one simple thing: numbers don’t lie. A recent study in the Journal of Artificial Emotional Intelligence showed that 90 percent of families still spend time together at the dinner table each evening. In-depth discussions and heated arguments on social media platforms take place as users spend quality time with their loved ones. The JAEI suggests that many families should begin to implement a reflective or quiet time each evening before bed. Pastor Ailee N. Ate says, “The perfect ending to any night is the soothing sound of fingers tapping on touchscreens and punching at keyboards. The streets are quiet, the church lights are off, and the hum of the wifi box sings our babies to sleep.”